I’ve been reading a lot of autobiographies lately. In just this year alone, I’ve read about the personal lives of Gabourey Sidibe, Carrie Fisher, Jenny Lawson, Kevin Hart, Aziz Ansari, Lauren Graham, Trevor Noah, Randy Pausch, Anna Kendrick, and Mindy Kaling. I never used to be a biography person, but as I’m going through the awkward phases of figuring out what I want to do with my life and entering the more stable half of my twenties, it’s been kind of reassuring to read about other people screwing up. I can find comfort in the fact that, at my age, many of these people were living relatively unexciting lives too. They were failing auditions, basically broke, going about their day to day and generally had no idea they’d be writing a book that someone like myself would want to read one day.
We look at celebrities as role models and people we can be envious of, but the reality is that most of them had no idea if their hard work would pay off. They just believed that they were doing the right thing, made some choices, and hoped it all worked out. I’m in that phase myself right now. I’m working, I’m trying, I’m making an effort and one day it’ll pay off. Into what, I have no idea, but here I am keeping a record of all of it’s monotony anyway. I’m not suggesting anyone will read my autobiography one day, but there’s a fair chance each of them probably said that at one point, too so I might as well keep this blog-style rough draft going.
There’s a lot of pressure to be a perfect version of ourselves online, to put out only the glossy photos, the happy announcements, and to stuff out of sight all the things that we’re not proud of. But if I only wrote when I had a highlight reel moment, where would that leave this blog? Where would that leave me?
In the practical day to day of my life, I’m not exciting. More often than not, I come home after work, try and find the motivation to go to the gym, make dinner, and then watch TV or read for a few hours before falling into bed. I’m not club hopping or traveling all over the world and when I talk about my work (which I find interesting) I tend to bore other people. My main goals in life aren’t flashy or creative; I just want to pay down my student loan debt and maybe go on a few halfway decent dates this year.
I could try and paint a flashier picture of myself, but it would be a lie. The fact is, I’m still in those early chapters of my life. Maybe one day it’ll add up to something worth reading, something to draft a memoir out of with the keen lens of hindsight, but right now, I’m just writing a blog post on another middling week, with no idea where the road leads.