I’ve been a bit lost for words lately. With everything that’s going on in my life right now, there have been too many thoughts in my head and none of them seem worth writing down. It happens sometimes when I get stressed; I lose my creative focus the deeper I fall into problem solving mode.
So I started reading TedTalk transcripts again and I stumbled across one by Dan Pallotta which really struck me. In his speech, “The Dream We Haven’t Dared to Dream” Dan talks about the relationship between the future and our present lives.
We have all these grand dreams – going to the moon, world peace, social reform – and there are so many of us who are willing to dedicate our lives to those causes. But, “our dreams of a better life for some future humanity or some other humanity in another country, alienate us from the beautiful human beings sitting next to us at this very moment,” he says.
It’s not that we shouldn’t have these dreams, but we shouldn’t sacrifice our present lives, either. No matter how strongly we believe in our causes and dreams, we have to enjoy our nows, too.
I’m losing patience because I’m excited about what’s to come. I’m excited for things to be set in motion, for my life to change, and for me to be able to move forward again. And I feel stressed out because I see myself as stuck. But I’m not.
“I think what we fear most is that we will be denied the opportunity to fulfill our true potential, that we are born to dream and we might die without ever having the chance” Pallotta goes on to say. We’re scared that if we wait, we’ll miss out on possibilities.
I’m lucky. My future isn’t a possibility, it’s an eventuality locked in a contract. It will happen. But still there’s a small part of me that’s scared it might all come crashing down, that I missed something, that I won’t be able to live up to that potential that I’ve been banking on for the last several months.
I can’t live just for my dreams. I can’t put a life’s worth of expectations on an eventuality. Instead I should be living every moment, appreciating every day. Worrying about when things will happen is just making me unhappy when I have no desire to be. It’s making me pick at other areas of my life and spin thoughts around in circles when all I really want is to be happy now and then even more excited for the changes when they (eventually) come.