Little Bit

I feel kind of off-balance lately.

Maybe it’s just a week of gray skies and rainy days finally catching up to me, but more likely it’s a combination of things all working together and throwing me off-kilter.

I’m a pretty proactive person, so normally I would just dive in and start fixing things. But unfortunately I find myself in the same boat that I was in back in December. I’m stranded in a sea of things I can’t change – stuck until someone else throws me a life preserver – and I’m losing a little more patience every day.

I’m trying to be strong about it and to tell myself that this is all just a speed bump in the road because that’s exactly what it is. I will get exactly what I’ve been waiting for; not if, but when. But as much as I might know that, it still never really sinks in and I find myself feeling kind of helpless. Which is just not who I am.

I tried to re-read some of my favorite books to give me a little comfort, books that have never failed to make me laugh or smile. But using them like a crutch started to erode some of their magic and eventually I had to stop; I don’t want to ruin them. Non-fiction has proved a tad more successful. It lets me use my brain for something other than oxygen flow and blood circulation, which is something that I sorely need right now. Plus I’m working on my long term goal of personal development and lifelong learning. At the moment I’m reading a few books to help me better understand my friend’s masters in Food Security. It’s rather fascinating, and does intersect with my own fields of study (history and politics) in a  not-surprising number of ways.

That said, I really need to find a more permanent solution to my problem. I might be waiting on a few things, but my life is by no means awful and I can’t keep walking around like it is. I have so much to be grateful for and it’s disrespectful to both myself and others when I don’t appreciate what I have.

Hopefully I can count on fairer skies this weekend to help turn things around for me. I could really use a little ray of sunshine right now.

There’s a little bit of sunshine, in all you do.

There’s a little bit of sunshine, breaking through.

Every little rain cloud envies you.

There’s a little bit of sunshine, in all you do.

“Little Bit” by Perin Lamb

 

 

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One thought on “Little Bit

  1. These gray skies are really such a bummer! I have a list of things I do when I get into those ruts, reading books is one of the things on the list. I also try journaling and mixing up my day a little so it’s not so mundane. Hope the sun comes out soon!

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