I’ve spent most of my morning reading old blog posts from a site called The Rules Revisited. It’s a dating advice blog written for women from a man’s perspective and I have to admit, it’s not all wrong. Blunt maybe, and sometimes a little out of left field, but there are some good things in there that I kind of want to talk about.
One of the most common themes on the blog is physical appearance. Why? Because the author is a man and obviously he notices women and the way they look, plus it’s a dating blog and physical attributes are part of the process.
And I have to give him some credit for the way he talks about it. While he makes it clear that he believes there is a spectrum of “hot,” “hotter,” and “hottest,” he also believes that looks are something that can be controlled.* Confidence, tailored clothing, correctly applied make up, physical fitness, etc. are all things that can make a girl look better to herself and to potential suitors. (Note: the same could be said for men!)
And when a woman is uncomfortable with the way she looks, or believes herself to be ugly and unattractive to the opposite sex, the author touches on some experiential or psychological reasons that might make her believe that, when in fact it isn’t true. Remember, just because you look nicer with makeup and fitted clothes, that doesn’t automatically mean that you look bad without them. The two are not mutually exclusive.
While the author doesn’t always put those sentiments in the nicest of terms, I have to admit I think that there’s something to that idea.
We all have clothes in our closet that make us feel good when we put them on. They fit well, show off our best attributes, etc. and when we wear them we feel more confident and happy. And when we feel more confident and happy all of that positive energy radiates out of us and is noticed by other people. So we become more attractive to other people. And I don’t just mean the opposite sex. We’re more likely to attract all kinds of positive relationships – career wise, friendship wise, and romance wise – when we’re feeling good about ourselves and projecting positivity.
So if “look good, feel good” is a real thing, then why don’t we do it more often? Why don’t we take the time to find the right clothes or wake up ten minutes earlier to do our hair instead of tossing it up in a bun? Why don’t we put in the effort if we’re so much happier with the results when we do?
Both the author and I came up with similar conclusions to this:
We don’t know what makes us look good.
For whatever reason, we’re struggling to find a style that suits us. Perhaps we’ve gotten some incorrect advice from friends or family about what clothes might look good on us (note: at this point The Rules Revisited would likely point out that false compliments do more harm than good in the long run). Or perhaps we’re still tweaking our makeup routine or learning about different trends. Whatever the reason, just know that there are ways to improve your natural features and it just takes a little bit of time and patience to figure out what works best for you.
We incorrectly assume that dressing well is only about sex appeal.
Lots of people will say that they don’t care what they wear because they aren’t trying to attract anyone. Maybe they’re already in a committed relationship or maybe they work in an environment where they aren’t seeking a potential partner. In reality, dressing well is more about self confidence. When we dress in baggy, frumpy clothes, we tell the world how tired and uncaring we are and we tell the world that we’ve given up. Sure, we could just dress for dates, that’s our choice, but looking put together regardless of our romantic aspirations says that we care about ourselves and about how we are presented to others. Still not convinced? Let me just say this: I really wouldn’t want to run into my idol or celebrity crush in a pair of sweatpants.
We assume no one cares. People tend to notice when you do something wrong more than when you do something right. But let’s not interpret silence or lack of fanfare as indifference, especially if the changes we’re making aren’t as significant as chopping off a foot of hair in one go or dying it neon green. Men especially are guilty of not noticing little changes, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate them or take notice of the differences in our confidence or happiness levels. They might not be able to put their finger on exactly what you’ve changed, but as you improve your style over time, people will take notice.
So what do you think about the “Look good, feel good” philosophy? Do you agree with The Rules Revisited’s take on the controllable nature of physical appearance? Let me know in the comments down below.
*Note: I would have preferred to link specific articles, but the theme is woven into pretty much all of them in some way or another. I highly recommend just perusing the blog, instead. My paraphrasing probably doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head.