I’m a pretty casual person and I put great stock in being honest with people. In fact, I’ll tell you pretty much anything you want to know as long as you ask the right question. (Though I certainly won’t go out of my way to offer personal information to those who aren’t interested in my life story so if you don’t ask I’m more than happy to keep the information to myself, too.)
So I guess you could say I take a certain amount of pride in being able to redirect my Tinder matches away from the usual “where do you live?” and “what do you do?” conversations. Sure, those are essential things to know. Work does take up a big part of my day and I guess where I grew up is sort of interesting, but those are not the most exciting things about me. They’re surface level things, things you could find on my LinkedIn profile. So the last thing I want to do on a dating app is rehash my resume and I find that moving on to more casual topics of conversation as quickly as possible is a priority.
Sometimes though people get a little too comfortable with me. I don’t know if it’s because of something I said or if they’re intentionally using it as a tactic to end the conversation (because you can bet I won’t write back after an intensely uncomfortable declaration of some sort), but nonetheless I inevitably seem to be the recipient of peoples’ confessions.
One guy recently confessed that his ex-girlfriend of a year and a half had been his best friend. Another, after a perfectly normal conversation about Joss Whedon TV shows (my weakness, I’ll admit) thought it was ok to tell me, “Just had an AWESOME urinalysis.” (Yeah, that really happened.) And then a few nights ago someone admits to me, “So…cards on the table, I got married last year. To sum up over a lot, things…did not work out, partially but not entirely due to substantial infidelity on her part.” (Admittedly I had asked why he was trying Tinder, but based on the timing of when he joined up and the conversation we were having, I had assumed it was just your average post-Valentine’s day decision. Guess I was wrong…)
Does anyone else get this? I mean, we’re all used to the hook-up solicitations and uncomfortably blunt profile descriptions, but to get decently far into a conversation only to have a bombshell of awkward dropped on you is just unfortunate. Not to mention a waste of my time. I mean, what do you expect me to say to that? I’m sorry that you miss your ex-girlfriend/wife? Glad you’re all clear? I’m a casual person, but even I have my limits.
I wish I could be the sort of person to rise above these awkward confessions, but it’s hard to pretend that they didn’t happen. Ok, sure, they were all being honest with me, but is that something you’d bring up on a first date? I don’t think so. The best part about talking to someone on Tinder is that you can proofread before you send, something that you can’t do on an in-person first date. But if you can’t filter yourself over text, how can I expect you to it in person?
Let me know in the comments if you’ve also been the recipient of someone’s confessions. I’m curious to know if this is just me or something all dating app users experience.