I started reading a blog by one of my followers, “Young & Twenty,” and something they wrote a few weeks ago really stuck out to me. In their article, “Madness in Your Head” they closed the piece with the quote: “Be so excited you’re scared and so scared you’re excited.” Which got me to thinking: how close is the line between fear and excitement?
As a freshman starting college I was overwhelmed with nerves, but I was also thrilled to be starting a new life for myself, making friends, and discovering all that my new home away from home had to offer. On graduation day I was anxious about my future and what it would look like, even as I accepted my stand-in diploma from the dean of my college, took hundreds of photos with my friends, and celebrated my achievements.
During the big moments at least, fear and excitement are undoubtedly connected. They weave together, twisting one into the other until sometimes I don’t know which way is out anymore. In the present, fear and excitement battle to dominate my mood and, to be honest, excitement doesn’t always win.
And yet those moments have been some of the happiest times of my life. I remember the anxiety, but also the wonder of experiencing something new. I remember the joy that I felt in accepting the challenge of growing up, the memories that I made, and the things that I was able to accomplish by pushing past my fear. As scary as it may seem in the moment, hindsight always proves that I really have nothing to fear.
I want to be so excited that I’m scared of being disappointed. I want to be so happy and positive about something that it threatens to consume me. And I want to be so scared of the fact that it won’t turn out right that I’m excited to meet the challenge. I want to know those emotions intimately and simultaneously for the joy and heartbreak that they could bring me – together.