Why People Really Stop Writing or Calling Back

Despite having once published there myself, Thought Catalog has basically become the place where the written word goes to die. There might be loads of entertaining content there, but to get to it you now have to dig through a lot of mindless, barely-edited “Thoughts” from other people first. It’s a bit of a nightmare.

However, I read this article on there the other day called “13 Guys Reveal Why They Don’t Call Back After Sex” and it got me to thinking. Now you and I both know, without my having to say, the kinds of responses the writer received from her thirteen opinionated interviewees. It was exactly the article I was expecting to read, but on a more PG-13 level I began to think about the real reasons why people stop writing or calling back.

When I was in high school I had this one friend who was super clingy about her relationships. She’d be constantly texting or AOL instant messaging with her boyfriends the entire time she wasn’t actually physically with them. And if for some reason he didn’t call her back or answer the text for a while, she’d get paranoid and start to dissect what it meant. As someone who has an older brother, I attempted reassure her that male behavior is not to be understood as anything more complex than it appears. If he didn’t answer the text, he was probably just busy – simple as that. (Not that I would have blamed the guys for purposely ignoring one or two, but she was my friend and I was trying to be supportive.) Maybe he went into a two hour movie with friends? Maybe he’s in class or at work? Most of the time when guys don’t respond – or when girls don’t for that matter – it’s not an intentional move meant to inflict worry or stress.

But what about if you’re just getting to know someone? You’ve just given a guy your number and after only a few brief messages the conversation has died, even though you ended on a question or something open ended that left room for more. In this circumstance you’ll have to consider the obvious fact that he may just be bored or not that interested.

Developing a texting rapport can be really difficult and sometimes one or the other person just isn’t into it and so they stop writing back. Its commonly known that people develop a first impression in less than seven seconds of meeting. Texting might not be as quick, but your first few messages do still say a lot about you, so it’s important to start off on the right foot and move from more general topics to more interesting ones, just like you would in person. And as much fun as it can be to pick apart every message you’ve ever exchanged with your text buddy (note the sarcasm there, please) in reality I’ve found that people stop calling or writing back for one very simple reason: there isn’t anything to stick around for.

On any level, be it PG-13 or otherwise, if someone isn’t getting what they want out of the connection, then there’s no reason to keep it. Maybe that’s a crazy and far-fetched idea, but both men and women have more simplistic behaviors than most people really want to believe. Excuses always find roots in something basic and giving people too much credit for the reasoning behind their behavior is just a waste of time. As the movie title says, “He’s just not that into you.” Period, end of story. Anyone who’s really interested will call or write back, no excuses necessary. So stop over-analyzing and deconstructing things that don’t matter and accept that it’s time to move on to greener pastures.


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